@ my friend's place:
i dig up a salt shaker that was OBVIOUSLY stolen frm my workplace
"is this what i think it is?"
him without looking: yes, it's a dildo.
my excuse for not going at 9:24pm to go to walmart with him for the first time:
oh i was thinking about spending the first night with my roomie
and have a girls night
so that we could giggle and talk about girl stuff
and eat tons of chocolate and make tons of chocolate
and spread it on and lick it off each other.
him: can i come?
me: GIRL'S night..
him: i'm contemplating whether this is worth being a girl for a night
him: i hate how high school teachers told us to buy these useless cloth book covers so i'm using it to cover up my dying stuffed chair arms
*in 30 sec he's resting his arm on bright purple and yellow arm rests*
talking about a printer
him: i turn it around and it's missing all of it's guts
waiting for 10 min at an in 'n out drive through
mosquito comes inside the car through an open window
i freak b/c they ALWAYS head for me
he's looking at me weirdly
and it lands... on his pant crotch:
him: don't even think about it.